lordjellybeans

People think my life is easy Nice house Low expectations Normal life What people don’t understand Is what it’s like to know I could wake up different To wake up and hurt everyone and have no control To know that I may never have what other people have That I may never be stable enough to be seen as datable That I may only be useful to others as suicide prevention That whenever I tell people about me they leave

What’s she doing This isn’t like her We need to help her She needs us She’s given up I can’t believe her Calm down What’s going on She’s hurting herself She’s given up on herself She needs us

Do you know how it feels To be there for someone To do anything for them Just to keep them in this world To be a guiding light in hard times To help them Yet the moment after All Is forgotten I am forgotten When I need help Or even someone to talk to I’m suddenly doing something wrong I’m told to look for help Find someone who cares To go away To stop putting this pressure on them As if my life suddenly revolves around them As if I’m putting my life in their hands Well it’s gotten to the point where I need someone like me Who no matter what Will do anything Stay up all night Stay with until I’m happier Just t

Crying out for help yet getting criticism Those that try fall so far Focusing on smaller details Or brushing my pain aside As if I don’t have feelings as well Still believe I’m strong Left by many that know I’m not Alone, so often by my own hand Tears streaming down my face Left feeling as if I can’t do anything Because everything I do causes pain in others Left feeling that I should be stronger That I should be a role model Be a perfect human Who I am is never accepted Who I am called wrong Told I don’t know who I am Told I have act like something I can’t Nobody accepts that I’m different That I ca

I’m hurting Hurting so much I want to cry out for help But I’m scared Of hurting someone Of scaring them away Of putting too much pressure on them I’m scared

All I want All I’ve ever wanted Is someone who thinks like me Who sees the side of the world I do Who understands every stitch in the fabric of reality Why it’s there It’s purpose Someone who understands emotions Yet is detached Someone who knows how hard it is to pretend To know what it’s like to not follow the same tracks Yet treated like the hole missing from them doesn’t matter That it isn’t consuming them Please All I want is a friend who won’t leave me

The question I’ve been asking myself How does it feel being abandoned Trapped in a strange room In a strange building Hours from family Longer from friends The answer has always been the same Burning pain Like a wild fire burning all the newly grown crops All the emotions I had for people All that’s left is a scorch mark

Behind her blank frown Her judgemental look Is someone who’s hurting From wounds anew And from long ago Her demons that keep her in the past And those that paint the worst futures All of this swirling around a small girl Scared of the future But most of all of hurting those around her She spends her days being called selfish All because she knows what happens when people get close It seems good at first She’s making them happy Then she tries to show them her real self And no one understands Because she is different In how she acts How she thinks While others spend all day trying to be unique She spends all day trying to fit in T

I often find myself looking towards the dark Up above me Within reach Is what it means to be me Everytime I try to reach for it Someone throws darkness in front Clouding my view Making me someone I’m not But I can see it clearly now Who I am Who I’m meant to be I’m a carer Even if people say they don’t need it They can’t see where they’d be without me I’m a friend At the clear moments When rumours are seen through And stereotypes are ignore When friends are hard to come by I’m a healer When you’re hurt When you think you’re irreparable Because I know what that’s like I̵

I look off this cliff Into the face of my darkness Building below me I look behind me As a crowd gathers Telling me to face the cliff To jump into the darkness But they only see the wisps over the edge They see the warmer wisps Instead of the cold darkness below They think it’s easy To have to push people away To know everyday could be the day I’m pushed over The day I’m consumed The day I know I will hurt everybody around me With the explosion I cause They tell me to keep looking at this void Instead of helping the people I can see suffering There are people that are being pushed over into their voids And I’m being

if i burnt my identity into my skin, would you still love me? there's a fine line between shivering          [and shattering] from the flittering fingers of the wind or the dark depths of my mind telling me the truth. [will you tell me the truth?] i'm becoming constricted inside this cage,          this weight,                           this - i'm trapped inside of myself. the key slipped between the gaps of one thought and the next - dissolving into darkness.         [i'm reaching for it            but i'm afraid i'll dissolve along with it.] i'm stuck halfway between wanting to be perfect and wishing i could just release my he

they warned me about fearing the dark but they never warned me about this; the way your bones c-r a--c  k into pieces and you feel this coldness settle over you and yet it must be over a hundred degrees in that mind of yours, because not only is this body melting, but all your thoughts are evaporating          [at least the good ones, anyways] who knew failure could hurt so badly? that it could leave your soul bruised and your mind bleeding and you can't breathe and the way it leaves thoughts repeating in your mind but they feel more like glass shards no, i don't fear the dark - i fear the moment your world comes crashing down around yo

Crying out for help yet getting criticism Those that try fall so far Focusing on smaller details Or brushing my pain aside As if I don’t have feelings as well Still believe I’m strong Left by many that know I’m not Alone, so often by my own hand Tears streaming down my face Left feeling as if I can’t do anything Because everything I do causes pain in others Left feeling that I should be stronger That I should be a role model Be a perfect human Who I am is never accepted Who I am called wrong Told I don’t know who I am Told I have act like something I can’t Nobody accepts that I’m different That I ca

melt my hard resolve into liquid change and let my mistakes drip away from me. let the fire burn until it loses energy and my fragile form can finally be reshaped.          i will be sculpted into something new and       something better than i've ever been before.

our friends trailed behind until it was just us. me and you watching the fireworks, watching life be born into the darkness in dazzling golds and burning reds. [i kept stealing glimpses of your face.] and then we were rising into the night, becoming one with the stars and testing the limits of the tenseness of the air. we settled at the top and my breath stilled, but not at the beauty of the city that sprawls and reaches into the horizon with twinkles of glimmering and glittering warm light. no, the breath fell from my trembling lips because though the stars in the sky and painting the ground were beautiful, they were nothing compared to you.

i am filled with feelings that are the same as the colours of the aurora borealis / but it is only when i am with you and i can see the same breathtaking lights within your eyes / when i can feel the shiver that shakes your hand that is not the cold, but excitement and disbelief of the night's events

dandelion hands reach through sunflower screens and they don't to blow away in the hopes of wishes coming true [they already are;   dreams existing through rainbow words] fingers don't tap on plastic keys, they brush against new landscapes, drifting into wor[l]ds of comfort and birdsong dancing on gentle breezes two souls are connected by more than a flickering signal. they are connected by the roots that have taken hold in their hearts. they are connected by the rivers rushing through their veins. they are connected by existing as themselves, and existing together.

she's balanced lightly, upon the windowsill with the Sun on her fur and dust motes dancing lightly across her back her ears flick at the memory of a few days ago but the birds outside assume it was her marking their presence and they flit away into branches that dance across the sky she is only watched by a soft reflection on the glass her own green and yellow staring back at her but even it is staring outside, waiting together they wait, her and her reflection and her shadow until the sun dips behind the neighbours roof and the sound of wings brushing the air disappears and the windowsill feels like it's crumbling beneath her feet with

a burden on society; this is who i am and it's burnt into my mind because you shoved it there. violent, aggressive, dangerous. mental illness is not a synonym for murderer. this lie claws its way into the mind of schizophrenics and i wonder if the media is going to move on from psychosis; how soon will my hands be coated crimson because trust me, these hands aren't going anywhere near you and neither are theirs. incompetent, lazy, unintelligent. i am standing here with a past full of A's to prove to you how wrong you are but others aren't so lucky and some days i'm not so lucky; we can achieve but imagine if you lived with a life that love